Prince Charles is going to marry his long-time bonk, Camilla Partly-Bowed. The ceremony will be at Windsor Castle in April. Irritatingly, my invite seems to have been lost in the mail.

Camilla will be known as the Duchess of Cornwall. Charles owns most of Cornwall. If Charles makes it to the British throne, Camilla will not become queen of England, partly because she is divorced from her first husband and partly because the British can't stand her. But she would be known as, "Her Royal Highness..." There is nothing much royal or high about Mrs. Partly-Bowed. In fact, most of the British think she's a bit dodgy at best, but no worries, there is almost no chance of Charles ever ascending to the throne of Britain, as a spanner is on its way to clog up the mechanism.

I'll have to complain to the Post Master General, all these kings and queens seem to passing into history without my benevolent eye in attendance. Tut-bloody-tut.

© Stuart Wilde 2005 - www.stuartwilde.com