The British police have discovered a very dangerous liquid. When a Moslem puts his finger in the liquid and if he holds that finger in the air he can tell which way the wind is blowing.

Hundreds of thousands of people were delayed at Heathrow while the authorities had them wander about with their fingers in the air just to see if they were wet or perhaps even Moslem. Twenty-one people that had wet Moslem fingers were hauled into the pokey.

The idea was that once the plane took off all the Moslem would stick their fingers in the miracle liquid all at the same moment, and the plane would somehow blow up from a sudden change of cabin atmosphere caused by evaporation of wet fingers, and everyone would forget that the America and Israel are pummeling Lebanon.

Bush got off Air Force One in Denver to say that his finger was perfectly dry and that it was the Islamic fascists that were responsible for the wet finger threat, which “Shoot-em-Up-Bush” referred to as “dangerous.”

A senior British policeman called, Fingers Malone, made a statement that citizens should remain calm and vigilant and report anyone walking about with a raised middle finger especially if it’s slightly wet. Somehow the wet finger salute is connected to 9.11 we’ve been told.

Passengers at Heathrow are now dropped off about half a mile away so they get to schlep their luggage in the fresh air, drying any fingers that might turn out to be suspiciously wet.

And anyone overcome with the desire to stick their finger in cup of hot coffee is required to wear a bombproof vest, and he or she has to sign a document saying that they think the war in Lebanon is a wonderful dry-trigger-finger-thing and that they have never ever dreamt of being even slightly Moslem.

We are not told what the miracle liquid is, the rumor that it might be BS swirled in a blender has not been substantiated.

 

© Stuart Wilde 2006
www.stuartwilde.com

A Jewish gentleman that runs Home Land Security in the USA said it has been proved to be down to al-Qaeda as they have been shipping blenders from Lebanon, disguised as garden gnomes with their fingers raised.

Fingers Malone then got back on telly to says that the way to stay safe is to stick a condom on your finger and Cellotape it on, so your finger remains dry and watertight at all times -very sensible in my view and good for the flagging economy.