The Giraffe

One year, I got it in my mind to go to Africa to see the animals. But things were a bit tight financially and travel not simple. In a dream I saw a giraffe. I said to it, “Who are you?” I was a bit harsh in my questioning as I was frustrated that circumstances were denying my heart’s desire.

The giraffe said, “Answer this brother Stu, which way up am I, and why is my neck so long?”

At first, I was pissed off answering riddles from the giraffe, but after a few minutes I felt rather embarrassed, as I remembered the part in the Bible that says, “Suffer long giraffes to come unto me.”

I got there in the end, Africa that is. I found a watering hole where animals come at sunset to drink. It’s a bit like going to the pub after work. I sat on a rock, meditating, waiting for the lions to show up. I wanted to tell them how fond of them I was.

After I had been there a while, maybe half an hour or more, I saw two African chaps dressed in uniforms. They were way in the distance, waving. Quite naturally, I waved back. They waved ever more frantically. So I added animation to my wave thinking it was part of the local custom. When they got about four hundred yards from me I heard them shouting, “Bwana, bwana…” They seemed very concerned for my safety and a while later they escorted me away saying, it was far too dangerous to be sitting in the pub with the lions at that time of day.

I explained that I was friends with a giraffe, and I know why their necks are long, and it’s got nuttin’ at all to do with eating leaves off the tops of trees.

The next day I met the giraffe. It was a female and she was having a baby. I said, “You look very fit. When’s the little one due?” She said, “As soon as the goose gets back to protect it. What will I call my baby, she asked?” I thought for a moment and said, “Call it, ‘I never hurt anyone’. That will keep it safe.”