At Dublin airport Terminal One Arrivals, there is a bus lane and some taxi lanes and a cross walk, but there is no place for a car to pull in and load passengers. Any bemused drivers that slow down to work it all out are immediately confronted by a very rude, aggressive, fascist policeman, Paddy o’ Goebbels.
The only legal way of loading people is for them to levitate with their luggage onto the roof of the car, as it passes ‘o Goebbels’ shaking fist, you’ll soon see him, he’s the boney man with the red face that looks like agent Smith from the Matrix.
Once ya granny is on the roof of the car then you have to go very gingerly round to a petrol station that’s 500 yards away, which is the only legal place at the airport where the Paddys will let you stop and get the ol’ dear safely into the motor.
The Irish government in all their wisdom are printing a booklet for visitors to Dublin called “Levitation & the Fast Getaway”. The cover has levitating Celtic harps, and levitating shamrocks and even a pint of Guinness that seems to have made it up to thirty feet off the ground!
They did think of hiring a traffic planner from Singapore, (the Singapore people are very bright), it was rumored he knew how to devise a pick-up lane at airports, but budget constraints in the current crisis have nixed that idea.
Paddy o’ Goebbels at the airport is only the start of your worries. Because of hyperinflation the pubs have now begun installing brass handrails round the counters for customers to hang on to while the barmen gives them the price of their drinks, lest people should faint and fall over, and injure themselves.
If you are thinking of visiting Ireland via Dublin airport my suggestion is don’t, use Cork instead.
© 2012 — Stuart Wilde.
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